Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
