just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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