After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
