Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
