he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
