so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
