either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
pop tarts are not kleenex
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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