I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
