I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
