I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have feelings that need drinking.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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