Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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