it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
