I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
