One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
