I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
