Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
