so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's shark week go big or go home
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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