i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
