the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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