Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I would ride that face into the sunset
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
