True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
