i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
