I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
