So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
