just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
