my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
