He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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