Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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