he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
