I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
