Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
