everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
