VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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