Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
