So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
