she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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