nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
