I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
