There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
