Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
