I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
