I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i now understand why vodka
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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