i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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