i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
