What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
