I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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