He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
