i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
