was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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