I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
