I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
