the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
