is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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