So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
